Do You Have Mimetic Desire?
Ma – What!? Mimetic means imitative, relating to, characterized by, or exhibiting mimicry. So what is mimetic desire? It means that a person’s choice of an object is not determined by the object itself, but determined by a third party or a third person. This third party is a mediator or model of desire that helps determine the choice and the value of the object. The object could be a job, a romantic interest, or getting into an exclusive and popular new restaurant.
Mimetic Desire Explained
Imagine that you get a reservation at this fancy, new restaurant and you’re thinking that you’ll order the halibut, but then your dining companion orders the lamb. Your companion models that the lamb is a great choice, and maybe you change your mind and order the lamb too. You really wanted the halibut, but now you crave the lamb. Essentially you desire the desires of another person. As humans we don’t like to acknowledge the influence of a model of desire on us.
The more complex form of mimetic desire is that whatever people around you want, you end up wanting as well. What’s fascinating about it is most people don’t intrinsically want those things. If you talk to the people about why they want them, they actually just want the items because others have modeled them as desirable objects.
Old Concept, New Term
Mimetic desire is a new, fancy term for an old concept, “keeping up with the Joneses.” I don’t know who these Joneses are but they have made a lot of people around them less happy than they otherwise would have been!
Suppose you have a job where you make a lot of money, have a lot of power, or have a prestigious title, but you are totally miserable. The hours are long and the personalities are tough. You tell yourself, “If I just do this for five to seven years, I will have enough money, experience, or social capital to be set for a long time. And then I can figure out the next thing I want to do.”
A lot of your colleagues are thinking the exact same thing, and people who started your exact same job years before you exhibit the same behavior. They have been working in this job for 10 or 15 years, and they never have enough. It’s a slippery slope and no matter what amount of money they make, prestige they earn, or power they gain, it is never enough.
Unfortunately, many people get caught up in this as they model their desires based on their colleagues and boss’ desires. They tell themselves, they’ll do it for one more year, or make a certain amount of money, or they hang onto the job for its prestige and power.
What Do You Really Want?
The question that you have to ask yourself is, when you think about your financial goals do you base them off of what you absolutely and truly want or is mimetic desire creeping in? Perhaps you’ve never really taken the time to think about your goals and why YOU really want them.
If you haven’t done this, that’s ok. Take the time to think about whatever you want, write these thoughts down, and reflect on them. If you need help, we can talk through your goals and develop a financial plan that connects your goals to your finances so you feel more relieved and confident about money. Most importantly, your goals will be your own.
Please feel free to set up a free consultation.